I stirred from a deep sleep by the sound of my alarm clock. It was, or so it seemed an ungodly hour to be awake. Turning in my bed I wondered who else would share this morning with me, some policemen patrolling their local area, taxi drivers waiting for their shift to end. On any other day I would have stopped the alarm and gone back to sleep. I may even have slept through it not acknowledging it’s frantic squeal. But I awoke the instant it rang out. My mind ran the usual systems check confirming that all limbs were still attached and functioning, and proceeded to log on for free thought. For today was a day I had waited for a long long time. You can participate in NASA’s space exploration projects training your whole life in anticipation of one day taking that flight beyond the azure blue. That anticipation pales by comparison to what I felt every day of my life. Or at least since the day’s when independent thought began. For today I go to Bathurst to see the v8's. Unfortunately my friends couldn't make it on Friday to be with me, so they drove up on Saturday morning. But I am Getting ahead of myself here.

I made it to Bathurst Station at 8:30 am after catching a Train and a Bus. I then Proceeded to walk to the Circuit which is a little over two kilometres (one and a quarter Miles) away.

Upon arriving at the Circuit I watched the V8s until the session finished, and then proceeded to the top of the mountain where I set up my tent while a Holden Monaro lights its tyres up until they explode. I took my camera (an ancient artefact at that) and headed off to Reid Park to take a few Photos. Later in the day I headed off to an HRT Merchandising stand and bought a T shirt and a hat which had to be surgically removed three weeks later. Then it was off to the Paddock where I picked up some posters and looked through the Pit area. Later in the afternoon, it was up to Forrest Elbow for a few more photos. I was standing just before the last right hand kink just before Forest elbow when I saw the AutoPro Commodore of Rod Nash and #### get nudged by another competitor just before the change in gradient where the cars get light and unstable. The car went over the crest sideways and rolled over its roof from wheels to wheels and smashed directly into the concrete wall at the Elbow. Forget Mark Skaife, when this happened, I was the fastest man on the Mountain. I was in a mad rush to see the outcome of this accident. The only visible damage was the front bodywork and the front right tyre which was completely removed by the impact. Surprisingly the top half of the body work didn't receive a scratch. Here I made some new friends (not my first) and spent the rest of the day with them back down at the pit area. A few hours later I relocated my tent to my friends camp site.

Shortly before it started to get dark, I was offered a ride on my new found friends dirt bike. After only seconds of experience, I was stopped by a drunk guy who wanted a lift to his camp site. After hours, well minutes of discussing the matter, and refusing peace offerings, the guy finally climbs on the back of the bike and gets a rough ride half way around the mountain. I eventually got back to the camp site and find out that one of my friends had gone looking for me. So I set off on the bike again to try to find him.

Later in the evening shortly after dinner I headed off to the Bull Pit. The bull pit is basically a big muddy area about the dimensions of an Olympic Swimming Pool. All throughout the day there is sacrificial burnings of $100 wrecks to the gods of Mount Panorama to put off the threat of having your tents and possessions being hastily burnt down. In fact these burnings happen so regularly that you could set your watch to it. One such car had almost been sacrificed to the gods when a drunk nut decided it needed a finishing touch. Two litres of Acetylene (Acetylene is a highly combustible gas which is made up of Carbon and Hydrogen in the format C₂H₂. If any of you know any thing about chemistry, 5O₂ + 2C₂H₂ => 2H₂O + 4CO₂). Moments after this highly combustible liquid was hastily dropped in, there was an almighty BOOM (The BOOM was caused by a shockwave due to the rapid expansion of 6 litres of gas due to a sudden increase in temperature) that captured the attention of every living and dead soul on top of the mountain. I was fifty metres away at the time and I was almost thrown from my feet by the explosion (Okay, I might be telling a tall story here, but it just sounds good anyway). The poor Guy who dropped the acetelyne had his eye brows singed off and was treated for shock by a nearby officer.

After a really big day, the Bathurst Freak went to bed to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Its Saturday morning, the all important day of qualifying. I took a deep Breath and smelt, well, some thing that could only be described as "Essence of Bathurst", a deep thick smell of smoke that was still Lingering around from the vehicle sacrifices of the night before. I got up at about 7am and gobbled down some processed fruit and a Muesli Bar and hitched a ride down to the Racing Museum at the bottom of the Mountain where I was to meet my friends James, Wade and Adam. All Legends in their own lunch time. We sat around Caltex Chase and watched the top ten shoot-out for Sundays Race. From the Chase the sound of the mighty V8’s could be heard thundering around every point on the circuit, although when one listens to the car from 2km away, it is actually 250 metres ahead of where you think it is, Assuming a speed of 150 km/h. We Were all impressed with Mark Skaifes effort of 2:09.894

After qualifying we headed up to the top of the mountain where I Introduced Adam, Wade and James to my new found friends "Andy and crew". They were seasoned campaigners and with out their hospitality and warm fire the weekend may have been lost. We exchanged Greetings and went for a walk around the top of the mountain.

The atmosphere on the top of the mountain can only be compared to an Ashes series, only 10 times worse or better, depending on which country you’re in. Adam called it "Apocalyptic Anarchy Misbehaving". Among the sites to be seen on the top of the mountain include 10 Metre long Esky trains that are made up of Ride-on Lawn Mowers and Multiple mini trailers, the odd burning car, mud wrestling, burning Tents and demolition derbies just to name a few. Later in the night there are also toilet paper fights (throwing toilet paper rolls which have been soaked in petrol and lit) and drunken Fire Work displays.

But one scene which took our attention was this - Do any of you know what it is like to learn to drive a car? Pretty hard isn't it. Well imagine trying to learn how to drive in a Pink Hyundai Excel, on top of the mountain around all the rowdy crowds, with Barbie Girl blaring out of the Radio ! ! ! I mean you have to hand it to her for bravery. But she didn't get off lightly. Before she could proceed, she had to light up her front tyres on an Oil patch - As if She knew how.

The Police and Fire Brigade make frequent visits to the top of the Mountain aswell (Just in case a burning car set the trees alight). The bonnet of the police car got a bit bent when the cops tried to make their way through the crowd that wanted to see another burnout, and on the way collected a Seasoned Campaigner who was momentarily stunned by the encounter.

After the short tour of the top of the mountain, we headed off to the Nearest food outlet to buy some sustenance. We went for the trusty burger which proved to be the right choice.

Afterlunch we headed down to Forest Elbow to watch the Production Car Race on Saturday afternoon. The GT (Grand Touring) Production Car Racing is an old concept born again. Years ago, when motor sport was Still in its infancy, the likes of Allan Moffat and Peter Brock would Race current models of the day at the Bathurst 1000 in showroom Condition. Forest Elbow is the Slowest corner on the entire circuit. Shortly before this corner, there is also a mild crest plus a right hand kink which can be quite tricky, especially if you are travelling a little bit too fast. We watched all the Pros and Amateurs take Forest Elbow for a while, you can tell them apart by how close they get to the concrete wall half way round the bend.

We then headed off to Strathfield Cutting to watch the rest of the GTP. We were watching all the Ferraris, Porsches and Dodge Vipers power their way up the mountain with a big meaty sound something like VRAAGHGHGHGHP, when all of a sudden we heard this MEEEEEEEEEEEP! ! ! Needless to say we were all in shock! It sounded as if some one had Entered a Lawn Mower into the race! ! ! Or was it a Mix Master? But we were wrong, for around the corner comes the ultimate Lemon on Wheels, a Hyundai Excel. The ultimate insult to this fine strip if bitumen that we call Mount Panorama. But Sir Jack Brabham made up for it by driving a Honda NSX Pace Car.

We then went back to the Bull Pit to check the latest tally of Sacrifices. No sooner than we had arrived, than this guy pulls up in his Land Rover, and starts ramming into a little Datsun. The atmosphere was electric! On the ram, the crowd went wild, screaming for more, but the guy gets out of his Land Rover, and checks the damage, everything is A-OK, so he hops back in and takes another run off to ram into this little Datsun VRRAAAGHGHGHGHP, MAAGHGHGHP, BOOM! The crowd goes wild, whistles and shouts can be heard for miles. The 4WD gets a bigger run off, and the little Datsun which is now about the size of a Mini, gets belted along the muddy Bull Pit, two metres each time. The 4WD does this 5 or 6 more times before he retires his 4WD for the day, and the car is sacrificed.

After the race we went to the shops to buy some much needed Sunscreen (My Neck was Ferrari Red) , Sausages and Beer. We got back to camp to cook Dinner, but Andy notices my burnt neck and slaps the back of my neck and rubs his hand in. It felt like a thousand red hot needles had been simultaneously plunged into the back of my neck. We took our annual walk around the circuit. Half way down Con-Rod Straight, we were looking up into the sky and we saw some lights, not from Stars, Aircraft or Aliens, but from make-shift Hot Air Balloons. They were made from big Garbage bags and Pie trays with Methylated Spirits as the fuel. 10 minutes later we arrived at Caltex Chase. This part of the circuit is a relatively new addition that was built to stop all the Competitors from flying over the crest just before Murrays corner, missing the turn altogether, and getting bogged in the sand pit. Here we found a bit of plastic that had been violently dislodged from the back off the XR6 Falcon during the GTP race. We passed another group of guys up Mountain Straight and Adam seemed to think it was all to quiet, so he let rip with a fake fart which achieved the desired reaction…laughter.

We got back to camp and had a few Beers before getting a good nights sleep for the race the next day.

A>ll through the night there were Fire works and Explosions that could be heard from miles away. But at about 3 am Adam and James woke to the sound of the loudest sonic boom they had ever heard. It could best be described as satan burping. This was closely followed by a series of blood curling screams. One scream which particularly stole our attention was this. - As one never knows the background of 1 of 30,000 Apocalyptic Anarchy Misbehavists, we can only assume the following. This particular individual went down to Bathurst City to do some necessary shopping ( 10 cases of VB ) to see the weekend through. On his way back to the car, he received a handout from the local Clergymen trying desperately to revive the situation. Upon returning, he consumed his first case for the night. This overpowering effect of the alcohol proved too much for him so he fell asleep for the next five hours, only to be awaken by the sound of satan burping. He jumped hastily and somewhat unco-ordinatedly to his feet and looked around for a few brief moments and saw smouldering cars, smelt the deep rich scent of "Essence of Bathurst" and heard fire works going off all around him and he realised he was in hell. But this guy thought he had a ticket out. So he called on the only guy who could save him. And at this point he yelled out at the very top of of his smoke filled lungs, PREACHER ! ! ! PREACHER ! ! !

All this seemed to bring home the fact that for a few days in November each year Mount Panorama is transformed into a surreal kaleidoscope of Homo Sapiens at play.

After a fairly indecent nights sleep, we awoke at 4:30am to the ever present aroma of "Essence of Bathurst". We reminded ourselves that we were still in hell and we thanked our lucky stars we made it through the night. We headed down to the exit of Murrays Corner and set up our stuff and talked away the next 2 hours till the action started.

First up was the V8 Supercar warm-up which lasted 20 minutes and wasn’t that eventful. But next up came the HQ Holdens. These beasts of yesteryear have about 100 kilowatts and all this power is put through a 3 speed gearbox. Sadly this is the last time the HQ Holdens will light up the mountain as a support for the V8 Supercars, this year we have an even better class in the making. Back to the taily HQ’s, all through the race we watched these beasts lose the back end on the exit of Murrays Corner only to gather it back up again when the rear tyres hit the rather steep ripple strip.

Next out of the Scrutineering Bay came the Formula Fords, and they didn’t disappoint us. There is always close racing in this class. Which is to be expected as this class feeds straight into the v8s. But sometimes the racing is a little too close for an open wheeler. Like when the front of your tyre makes contact with the back of someone else’s, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. At the end of the race there was a few casualties. If you know who won, email me!

Now for the pre race activities, this next 30 minutes wasn’t to disappoint us. First up was the Bridgestone Holden Precision Driving Team. These four extremely talented Gentlemen screamed up and down Pit straight doing hand brake turns and weaving around each other. Then two of them got up on two wheels and headed up to the top of the mountain. Remarkably one of the Commodores made it to the top of the mountain on two wheels. Later on they had to bring out an Army Tank to keep the Hoards on top of the mountain in order.

Next they paraded the FAI 1000 competitors around the track in Ford Mustangs. I perceived this to be bad luck for HRT. The parade finished and Pit Lane opened for all the competitors come on to the track. As long as each competitor goes through Pit Lane to fiddle with the setup, they can keep on doing more laps. By 10am, all the cars

Had lined up on the grid and the race was ready to start. All 47,000 spectators were waiting to hear those magic words "Ladies and Gentlemen, Start your engines ! ! !". Immediately 48 fire breathing V8’s let loose with 600 horses and went off for their warm-up lap. 3 or 4 minutes later, most of the 48 V8s were waiting on their grid positions, but unfortunately some had troubles and had to start from pit lane. Any way, the whole field red lined their engines waiting for the Green light to appear, and no sooner than it appeared, were the V8s to scream up Mountain straight for the first time. But unfortunately for Tomas Mezera, it was to be his last. For just after Griffins bend, his clutch broke and he rolled to a stop just before Strathfield Cutting. Craig Lowndes followed by rest of the field made it down to the start finish line to put one lap on the board.

It’s now lap 15 and we already have a competitor coming into the Pits. It’s Jason Bright, on first glance something is wrong (that’s what you get for driving a Ford), but we were all mistaken, as their was a quick splash of fuel and a tyre change. A rather different Pit Stop Strategy.

Lap 80 something and we have a competitor drop out of the race for some unknown reason. But he does not disappoint us. For a few brief moments He takes the attention of 10,000 people as he lets loose with the donuts in the Scrutineering Bay. A performance that would cost him $5000 and his Pride.

The pace car made many appearances during the day. But the longest one was for 40 minutes when their was a 6 car pile up on the top of the Mountain.

It’s now about lap 120 and the number 1 Mobil HRT Commodore is still in the lead, But not for long. The front right tyre gave in half way through Caltex Chase handing the lead to Jason Bright.

Lap 156 saw Brad Jones turn on the water works. For team mate Mark Larkham, in control of the Mitre 10 Falcon strangely came to a stop on Pit Straight under Pace Car conditions. The regulations state that under no circumstances is a competitor to overtake under the Pace Car unless their is an apparent mechanical failure or similar circumstance. For a few brief moments traffic built up behind the Mitre 10 Falcon until they were sure that the car was finished. But it wasn’t to be, for Mark Brought the Car back to life and a smile appeared on Brads face. Due to the circumstances of the incident, no one was penalised for overtaking under pace car conditions.

At the end of the day, Jason Bright with his rather strange Pit Stop strategy came out on top in the end. But the action was by no means over, Before the pace car came around to close the circuit, spectators were running across the road to get to the presentation ceremony and the Officials were going Bananas.

After the presentation we went back to the top of the mountain to pack up our gear and go home. But not before a visit to Pizza Hut where I managed to convince the staff and management to make me a pizza to my own particular specifications (ie just the right amount of down force)

Next year is going to be really big. We are planning to take up some Esky Trains, Posty Bikes and Catapults for launching toilet paper rolls. Look out for the Go Kart with the HRT Body Shell.